by Rod Amis
SHOWING THE LOVE - Rod Amis's second post in the July Contagious Festival takes us deeper in the exploration of the true meaning of our words.
18 July 2006:
LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. - Ambrose BierceIt was Ambrose Bierce, also known as "Bitter Bierce," who over a century ago set out to show the truth behind the words we casually use. He called his tome The Devil's Dictionary
In admiration of his work, I set myself the task in my youth of updating his "dictionary" to our modern era, in other words, the task of exposing hypocrisy as I saw it. After various drafts and multiple computers, I lost the work. Even that part of it posted on the Web was misplaced during a change of Internet service providers. All that remains of that second edition of The Devil's Dictionary is in my head... Until now.
Join me here, Gentle Reader, as I attempt to provide the new definitions of the words that define our lives. Along the way, I shall make significant digressions and dalliances to look around us at the state of the world by reflecting on the news of our folly. I hope you will enjoy this journey as much as I shall enjoy our destination.
It was my pleasure today, to learn by way of SFGate, the Web presence of the San Francisco Chronicle (Bierce would have called "Comical" as many of my fellow Bay area journalists made a habit) that Paris Hilton believes she is an iconic blonde woman of our era. This was informative for me because, until reading this pronouncement, I thought that Paris Hilton was just a bad example of what inheriting money could produce. Suddenly, I was informed that she was an icon, in the mold of Marilyn Monroe and the also-late Princess Diana of the United Kingdom.
I was glad to be disabused of my tawdry suspicions.
This experience of true enlightenment to the workings of our world brought to mind other definitions I had intended to include in my now - sadly - lost new edition of The Devil's Dictionary. Among those definitions were these:
Celebrity, n.: That coincidence of infamy and notoriety which shameless whores accept in order to keep themselves in the public eye and thus grift money from unsuspecting morons who believe that being notorious is the same as having achieved stature.
As our decadent empire looks forward to its decline, we must celebrate, no? We must put light in the place of heat.
Let's try another dictionary entry.
Dahn Yoga, n.: A dangerous cult preying upon the vulnerable and unwary. Scientology for Dummies.
I was surprised to see that the Village Voice did a piece on this scam machine this month. As far as I knew, they had managed to stay below the media radar screen. Sure glad that's changed.
In the introduction to this project I attempted to get you, Gentle Reader, to get used to the notion of thinking "mean and evil." We need a lot more to that in our world as far as Your Interlocutor is concerned. Too many people are trying to be too damned nice for my curmudgeonly liking these days. What ever happened to saying when bullshit was bullshit? Whatever happened to having the cajones to call people on their hypocrisy?
My plan is to help bring those curmudgeonly and contrarian traits back to the national dialogue. Welcome aboard!
As I approach the six hundred and sixty-sixth word of this disquisition, I'm sure some of you will stop reading. Good riddance! I don't want anybody taking part in the consideration of this project that doesn't want to be REAL.
Mean and Evil. Real mean and evil. It's time for this in a country that has forgotten its revolutionary roots.
During the era of the Watergate scandal, I thought: If Americans were worth a damn, they'd drag that bastard out of the White House and run him out of town on a rail. So you can imagine what I think these days.
I thank God every day I still have a valid passport.
Here's another definition, Pilgrim.
Honor n.: An outmoded form of distinction conferred upon people who actually believe that integrity is an important principle of life, live by rules of conduct and expect the same of their peers. A value held by the misguided and benighted.
DIGRESSION: You know, since the entire point of the Huffington Post Contagious Festival is to promote cartoons, I'm not even sure why I continue to produce these projects against the mold...
The very idea of offering serious thought here seems anathema.
I guess I'm banking on being the Odd Man Out. I guess I'm hoping that doing something different, verbal, thoughtful will make me stand out from the crowd...
Yeah, there's the exposure. Sure.
Prostitution n., : Not the oldest profession, the ONLY profession.
Like all street-walkers, I know that I can't only give you cynicism and venom; you'd lose your illusions about the "heart of gold," and then where would we be?
So I must leave you with an epiphany. That is what we whores do.
As a counterpoint to our lodestar, Bierce, I give you this new definition of Love:
LOVE, n: The wish for a condition better than most people experience, founded on an improbable supposition, based on an assumption of a better world than they normally experience, ephemeral and fragile, and achieved so infrequently as to be considered non-existent by most sentient beings.
Good night and good luck.
G21: The World's Magazine
Introduction to The Devil's Dictionary: Thinking Evil
Third Post to The Devil's Dictionary: Devil's Night Out
Fourth Post to The Devil's Dictionary: Your Devil
Final Post to The Devil's Dictionary: Devil's Advocate
Rod's First Project at the Huffington Post
Rod's Second Project at the Huffington Post
© 2006, Rod Amis.
E-mail your comments to rod@g21.net.
